I have had clients who feel or believe that pushing themselves harder is the best way to get good results. They strive for perfection and are overly critical of the outcomes even when it appears that they are successful. I recently read a good description of this pattern in Leaders Playbook* by Reldan Nadler. Nadler asks if you are on your side or on your case?
Here are the consequences of being your own worst critic
- You are never satisfied with your performance-which leads to low self confidence
- You are disappointed in the outcomes which leads to feeling unhappy and miserable
- You unconsciously – treat others the same way you treat yourself- being very picky, negative and never satisfied
All of those results lead to a frustrating cycle with no end in sight. Consider how you could instead focus on learning and ongoing improvement acting as you own coach.
What are the indications that you are acting as your own coach instead of a critic?
A coach would focus on what you learned from the day along with your results. How could you improve is important but not the only factor. A coach is encouraging and challenging expecting your best effort to be something to be celebrated. A coach expects you to reflect monitor and adjust your actions to keep moving towards your expected goal. As a coach here are some questions to ask yourself that will develop the habit of ongoing learning.
- What did I learn today?
- What did I accomplish today?
- Where could I improve ?
- What to I want to focus my efforts on next?
Start by just being aware of how you talk to yourself through the day. Are you realistic or overly critical about your actions?
Check that your expectations and goals are realistic. Be your own coach instead of a critic. See how that impacts your feelings and ability to recover and move forward.