When did I first learn that I was responsible? Some where in the lesson of responsibility – I twisted up what I was responsible for. I took on the belief that I was responsible for all others first, that I was responsible for other people. That I was responsible for happiness, feelings, outcomes, being perfect, doing it all.
That other people’s feelings and needs came before mine. I used to think that doing things for others was important and I was not important. Now I reject that belief and have let go of my idea of being responsible for the entire universe. Are you really in charge of the universe today? Only when I ask myself that out loud does it sound silly.
Responsibility is a habit that is difficult to sort out at times. I am at heart a responsible person. It is the order of my belief that has changed. I cannot be helpful, compassionate or caring when I am overwhelmed or carrying the weight of all responsibility around with me. What happens if you pick up every task or problem that you see? How many of these problems or rocks can you carry and still keep moving without impacting your own health?
On good days, I will gently hand you back the responsibility you attempt to pass over to me. On bad days, I will say yes to anything asked of me, and then get angry or upset when I realize I have taken on too much responsibility again. When I carry around things for other people, there is no space in my life for me. I am important. I need to be responsible to me before you. Another lesson to be learned.
When I do forget and slip back into that outdated idea of what is mine, I am able to remind myself by asking better questions. Is this really mine? Pause. Say no before yes. Who does this belong to? Why would you ask me that? Is this mine?
I am responsible.
I am responsible for my own happiness.
I am responsible for self -care, honoring my feelings, being kind to myself.
I believe that self- care is critical to self- development and growth.
I am responsible for me.